The Right Path

As I naturally awoke this morning, I didn't feel the usual tiredness that seems to find me already upon seconds of waking. I didn't feel the ho hum glum feeling hanging over like a wet blanket. I didn't automatically think to myself, "Ugh. Morning already."

I slowly opened my eyes and looked around the room for a few minutes. The room was barely lit and I could feel a slight chill in the air. I knew from the look and feel that it was cold and windy out. It was almost a refreshing feeling. I lay in bed for a few, taking in the silence. The only sound was the heat coming through the air vent. I felt peace.

I got out of bed, washed my face, and headed for the kitchen to make coffee. I sat and checked email, looked at my homework online, and sat down to write some notes on an art appreciation paper I'm writing. As much as I was warm and cozy on the sofa, laptop on lap, coffee in hand, quilt over my legs, I felt the need to be out in the energizing briskness of the morning. I just felt a need.

I finished my coffee, charged up my ipod, and dressed for a run on the track. I snuggled my body in warm clothes, strapped on my running shoes, and headed outside. I stretched and bent, bent and stretched until I felt my limbs were awake enough to start. My breath was visible and my legs were already feeling the bite of the air, but it inspired me. Filled me with energy, desire, and focus. Maybe my brain was just freezing slowly, causing me not to think clearly, but whatever the case, I was definately feeling positive.

I started out, and since it's been awhile since I ran on anything other than a treadmill, I felt slow and weighed down. The music was beating in my ear, my legs were moving, but I hadn't found my pace yet. Slowly but surely, stride after stride, it came and I felt at ease. It was work. I wanted to stop, and a few times I did slow down to a fast walk, but I kept my body in motion. My eyes were watering from the cold, my lungs were burning from the crisp air, my muscles were sore from the workout I gave them a few nights ago...yet I still kept moving.

I was completely alone, not a soul in sight, but I didn't feel alone. Isn't it odd how you can be in a room full of people, maybe even friends and family, and feel so completely alone? Yet today I was alone, in the phyical sense at least, and didn't feel alone at all. I felt a presence stronger and greater than myself. I looked at the snow flurries slightly falling around me, looked a the golden hue of the cold sky, the bare trees along the path and just took it all in. I felt so grateful, so strong, so proud.

I've gone through some terribly hard times over the past few years. Sometimes I don't know how I made it through. Times of weakness, times of doubt, times of complete lonliness and despair. But today I realized that running and feeling strong and looking at the gifts that we are given, were God's way of MAKING me strong. His way of giving me what I need. All I had to do was ask for it. I've been trying to get better about "asking" for it and today I felt it.

As I made my way back home, I smiled to myself and felt an inner power and peace that I hadn't felt in a very long time. And it was at that moment that I felt that I was being told that I'm on the right path and that I'm in the right place. I felt home.