The Right Path

As I naturally awoke this morning, I didn't feel the usual tiredness that seems to find me already upon seconds of waking. I didn't feel the ho hum glum feeling hanging over like a wet blanket. I didn't automatically think to myself, "Ugh. Morning already."

I slowly opened my eyes and looked around the room for a few minutes. The room was barely lit and I could feel a slight chill in the air. I knew from the look and feel that it was cold and windy out. It was almost a refreshing feeling. I lay in bed for a few, taking in the silence. The only sound was the heat coming through the air vent. I felt peace.

I got out of bed, washed my face, and headed for the kitchen to make coffee. I sat and checked email, looked at my homework online, and sat down to write some notes on an art appreciation paper I'm writing. As much as I was warm and cozy on the sofa, laptop on lap, coffee in hand, quilt over my legs, I felt the need to be out in the energizing briskness of the morning. I just felt a need.

I finished my coffee, charged up my ipod, and dressed for a run on the track. I snuggled my body in warm clothes, strapped on my running shoes, and headed outside. I stretched and bent, bent and stretched until I felt my limbs were awake enough to start. My breath was visible and my legs were already feeling the bite of the air, but it inspired me. Filled me with energy, desire, and focus. Maybe my brain was just freezing slowly, causing me not to think clearly, but whatever the case, I was definately feeling positive.

I started out, and since it's been awhile since I ran on anything other than a treadmill, I felt slow and weighed down. The music was beating in my ear, my legs were moving, but I hadn't found my pace yet. Slowly but surely, stride after stride, it came and I felt at ease. It was work. I wanted to stop, and a few times I did slow down to a fast walk, but I kept my body in motion. My eyes were watering from the cold, my lungs were burning from the crisp air, my muscles were sore from the workout I gave them a few nights ago...yet I still kept moving.

I was completely alone, not a soul in sight, but I didn't feel alone. Isn't it odd how you can be in a room full of people, maybe even friends and family, and feel so completely alone? Yet today I was alone, in the phyical sense at least, and didn't feel alone at all. I felt a presence stronger and greater than myself. I looked at the snow flurries slightly falling around me, looked a the golden hue of the cold sky, the bare trees along the path and just took it all in. I felt so grateful, so strong, so proud.

I've gone through some terribly hard times over the past few years. Sometimes I don't know how I made it through. Times of weakness, times of doubt, times of complete lonliness and despair. But today I realized that running and feeling strong and looking at the gifts that we are given, were God's way of MAKING me strong. His way of giving me what I need. All I had to do was ask for it. I've been trying to get better about "asking" for it and today I felt it.

As I made my way back home, I smiled to myself and felt an inner power and peace that I hadn't felt in a very long time. And it was at that moment that I felt that I was being told that I'm on the right path and that I'm in the right place. I felt home.

Suckage = Me.

Wow, I guess I suck at keeping this blog. I thought I'd have more time/energy to give to this, but as you can see I apparently do not.

I suck. No disputing that one.

Somewhere

Somewhere, Somehow, Someway I've found some inner peace over the last few days.

Prayer? Maybe. Relaxing? Perhaps. Taking myself out of unnecessary drama? Most definitely. Combination of all three? Absolutely.

I've been soaking up the love from my children, reading handfuls of inspiring materials, trusting that God has a plan for me and my life, and trying to stay focused and grounded.

This too shall pass and everything has a purpose.

I'm strong. I'll be okay.

Thanks for your kind words of support.

Moment of Weakness

Last night I lay in fetal position on the sofa, tears streaming down my face, hands clenched over my heart and prayed to God for his love, guidance, strength, and peace.

Sometimes that's all you can really do.

Sometimes that's all you NEED to do.

...

Summer's End

How can it be August already? How can school be only a mere 10 days away from starting? Already? How can summer be near it's end, when I didn't even realize it had started?

It literally feels as though I was just making my mental list of "ways to celebrate summer" when I received the news flash of summer's near end. I know that the temperatures will remain blistering and well into the 90's for another month. The humidity will linger and remain stifling for WAY TOO LONG, and the golden glow of summer sunshine will remain well into the after dinner evening hours. But with the start of a new school year, most agree that it's a sign that summer is near it's end.

It's once again time to buy the new back packs, the new lunch boxes, school supplies and new school wardrobe. Time to fill out new school year paperwork, buy lunch tickets, attend the "Meet The Teacher Night," and buy tickets to the Welcome Back school carnival. Time to reorganize the daily schedule, make dinner once again more of a 6pm occurrence, and buckle down on the bedtime routine.

As much as I love fall and look forward to it with much hope and excitement, I'm still sad to see summer come to and end so fast.

Spilling open once again

It's been awhile. Writing has always been a true love of mine, a passion, a constant, a sort of natural therapy for me. I find that I'm a little clumsy at the keyboard these days. A little out of practice, if you will. It's been some time since I've sat down and let my feelings spill into words. It's been awhile since I've allowed myself to open up, to let go of some of the pain, to heal, and to open up again.
Everything takes it's own time. And if anything over the past few year, I've certainly learned that timing really is perfect. And my time is now. I'm learning to trust the process of Life.
Welcome.